What uncommon things do we want to become common?

Things like:
our children having mutual love and respect for each other.
our teenage children having love, honor, respect and obedience for their parents.
us continually becoming better friends and lovers.
our family totally trusting God in all things and putting our faith in Him to fulfill his promises.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Marriage


by Chelsa
Most Tuesday mornings I walk with a good friend of mine, a young lady who is entering into a possible marriage relationship in the near future. She is so excited about the possibilities. Their relationship is so healthy and strong. She is such an encouragement to me and a Godly young woman with wisdom beyond her years. We have wonderful conversations together. During these walks we dig down deep into each others hearts in an attempt to sharpen one another in the Lord. One summer morning a couple of months ago as we were walking along, she asked “Chelsa, when was the last time you and Creg went on a 4-5 day get-a-way by yourselves?” I laughed inside and thought, “She must not realize how busy our family is or how close we are. We do everything together with our children. Why would we want to go anywhere without them? Plus, all the farm chores! How could we leave all that work for the kids to do?” I snapped out of my thoughts and felt a little silly telling her I couldn't remember a time since we celebrated our 10th anniversary in Oregon 8 years ago. She was taken aback, shocked really, and she gently reminded me that the marriage relationship was the most important earthly relationship we have.

She was right. And I knew it. After we prayed together and parted ways, her comment kept tugging at my heart..."The most important earthly relationship we have." The most important. And I started thinking...Do I really see Creg as the most important relationship I have in my life? Do I long to spend time with just him? Do I enjoy being with just him? I confess that I had trouble answering yes to those questions. Yes, we love being together with our kids. We enjoy doing ministry together helping others. But what about just the two of us? Do we still love to be together or have we slowly drifted apart? The more I thought about our marriage relationship, the more I realized we needed to follow her advice. Maybe not 4-5 days, but at least a couple of days where we could just focus on each other. I realized that I had been his “help-meet” by fulfilling duties and responsibilities, but it really wasn't all that fun anymore, and there just wasn't very much joy in our relationship. We've been married for 18 years and we have both grown spiritually and in other ways and in other relationships, but our marriage was suffering. It was obvious to me now. We were taking each other for granted and going through the motions. Somewhere along the way we had stopped seeing each other as the God given treasure we were meant to have: Heirs together in the gracious gift of life united together. We weren't truly enjoying each other's company anymore.

After lunch at Creg's parent's house, I told them about the conversation I had that morning. Creg blurted, "Four days! Remember, we have 4 kids & a farm." "So much for that idea," I thought. Then Kay, Creg's mom, said, "I think y'all should go. We'll keep the kids & take them to do all of the chores." We both lit up & immediately said, "OK." I told Creg that we needed to stop and think about what's happening within our marriage & family (Sierra just turned 15!). It's time to work through some tough questions and slow down enough to enjoy each other.

So we decided to go to Dallas a couple of weeks ago and take our much needed break. We didn't have any plans except for attending a Truth Project training seminar and going to worship at Farmer's Branch Church of Christ. We didn't go to many places or do many things other than going out to eat a few times and taking a walk by the river. It was great just focusing on and enjoying each other and becoming better friends, partners and lovers. We talked and listened. We repented and forgave. We hugged and kissed. We came home with a renewed sense of purpose and unity. I can't even begin to tell you how wonderful our time was. This trip was the beginning of the transformation our marriage! The Lord has been gracious to us yet again and has blessed us with each other. But this time we realize how blessed we are!

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