(Ed. Note: This is part 3 of "I've Been Set Free.")
"Lord I'm ready now" (song I woke up to)
Oh. My. God! You are so incredibly AWESOME!!!! This is amazing, how you are working on me. I truly feel led by the Spirit in a strong obvious way. You have orchestrated it all and I am so humbled, blessed and thankful. You have been so patient with me and merciful and kind. You are beautiful beyond description. Too marvelous for words. But I want to try to record at least a glimpse of what is happening in my utter transformation.
The phrase you gave me this morning I've heard before. The night you spoke to my mind years ago during a worship service saying, Be ready. Someone is going to come to you. And I said in my heart Lord, I am ready now. And I was. Because you were alive and active in me. And it was incredible what we accomplished together. Those were the days when I felt like heaven was living inside of me. My mind was in a constant state of worship for 3 solid months. 24/7. I remember how peaceful I felt, how bold and empowered I acted, and how on fire I was for you. So excited, lost in your love. It was glorious.
But then somewhere in the middle of it all, the day we stepped on the cruise ship for our family vacation, heaven left me. I stepped off Mt. Sinai. My mind came back to earth and its never been the same since. I mourned the loss. Begged that it would come back, but it never did...
I feel it coming back. It is unbelievably awesome.
It's been 40 days from the time I began this journey in my prayer journal to the time I shared my story with the assembly on Sunday. 40 days of being in the presence of God. And my face is glowing. Radiant.
And last night you declared to me that I'm ready. I'm ready to come off the mountain and share what I've learned from you. I'm ready to walk in step with the Spirit so my face will never fade. I have discovered the secret of living for you.
Both Monday and Tuesday night I had vivid dreams. And both were troublesome. In the first dream something was pulling me out of bed, dragging me out by my feet. And there was Creg walking by and I blurted out "I think (a certain person) is full of demons!" And he said, "What are you going to do about it?" I barely mumbled "I'm too tired to think about it right now" and I fell asleep. Then the bed began vibrating loud and strong. I know the demons were doing it so I told them to leave. I spoke truth and they immediately disappeared and I was completely at peace and totally relaxed as I slept the rest of the night.
The next night I had another vivid dream. I was furiously yelling, screaming and throwing things because Sierra wouldn't let me read her book. I found out she had let Creg read it and I completely lost it. I remember being so frustrated and angry because I thought God had healed my mind. If he truly had, I wouldn't be acting like this.
In the morning I woke up with the words These are the moments I feel courageous. God is with me. I can face this. That made me feel better, but there was still this nagging feeling of uncertainty.
I told Elizabeth about the first dream when I met with her on Tuesday and she was pleased with the outcome and the peace I felt. She texted me the next morning : "Any more dreams last night?" So I told her the second dream. She replied, "How did you respond?" I told her. She said, "I think it was just that little gremlin you saw trying to make you doubt what God did. Tell it to get lost (in Jesus name) ;-) and declare truth over it. Then sing and dance the victory dance!!!"
I followed her advice and my mind has been great ever since. But all of this has gotten me to think about my struggles. Before you healed me, I finally realized that I truly need you every moment because I was getting so bad emotionally. I couldn't function unless I got up and spent one on one time with you or shared with the others what you have been doing in my life. That last week it truly became a battle every minute. I knew I couldn't win without your intervention. After you healed me, I was so thankful and I shared my good news every day, several time a day, with anyone who would listen, and I felt great. But during the night I'm just sleeping. I'm not in your word or giving my testimony. So Satan is trying to gain a foothold there. I've never really thought about dreams much, and I don't normally remember them. I'm so thankful you've given me Elizabeth because she has experience in this area and I knew that. That's why I thought to bring it to her attention.
Now that I am aware of what is happening, I can ask for your help. These dreams have taught me something. That even though you healed my mind, I still need you every minute. Not to help me function and make it through the day. This is so much bigger. This is another HUGE thing that has happened to me -as big as my healing-
I have come to understand in a real tangible way that to live as you created us, as you designed us in Christ, we need you every minute to function, to be able to walk in the Spirit.
This is a HUGE breakthrough for me! I've always prided myself in being able to handle things on my own. Now I know that is Satan's biggest lie. I can't do anything right without your help. That is sinful and prideful for me to think I can handle anything even for a second without your help.
These scriptures just flooded my mind and they have new meaning for me.
"I can do all things through him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:13 (That implies I can do nothing without him)
"I am the vine. You are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5 (Jesus makes it clear that we can do nothing without him)
Here is the song I woke up to that spoke to me.